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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23151667">secrets i keep from showing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers'>peachsneakers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cuddling, Dukexiety - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Self-Harm, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:02:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23151667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Virgil knows better than anyone when Remus isn't doing well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>294</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>secrets i keep from showing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil cracks Remus's door open and frowns. The normally rambunctious side remains curled up in an untidy scrawl across his bed covers, still wearing his uniform.</p>
<p>"Remus?" Virgil asks, keeping his voice down in case Remus had a migraine or something. They didn't happen often but when they did, Remus was near inconsolable from the pain.</p>
<p>"Hi, Virgey Wirgey," Remus says, rolling over to face him. He sounds tired. He <em>looks</em> tired. The dark circles under his eyes could rival Virgil's, not helped by the messy smudges of bruise-like eye shadow still remaining.</p>
<p>"You all right?" Virgil asks, closing the door behind him and picking his way across the chaotic landscape of Remus's room. Remus always maintained there <em>was</em> order to his madness. Virgil believes him, but he can never fathom it. </p>
<p>"You ever think about baby birds?" Remus asks instead. "And jet turbines? And what would happen if a baby bird landed in a jet turbine and then the whole plane came crashing down?" His neck creaks as he cranes his head back, peals of splintered, humorless laughter echoing off the walls. "And no one survives!" He adds, scrubbing carelessly at his eyes with the edge of a frilled sleeve.</p>
<p>"I can't say I've ever thought about it, no," Virgil admits. He scoots a little closer on the bed, not quite close enough to touch. "I take it you have?"</p>
<p>"I want to jump out of a moving car," Remus says. "I want to see what happens when you find a box of dead kittens and rip out your own intestines and-"</p>
<p>His fingernails dig into the sensitive skin of his wrists, drawing jagged pink lines down his skin. Virgil reaches over and clasps his hands, holding them apart. Remus quivers with the effort of trying to continue, but Virgil holds fast.</p>
<p>"No," Virgil says softly. "That won't help and you know it." Remus stiffens, then his shoulders slump and he sighs, tilting his head to one side as he regards his boyfriend.</p>
<p>"You can let go now," Remus mumbles. Virgil does so cautiously, but Remus does nothing to continue his previous frenzied actions, just stares down at the puffy red lines littering his wrists. A couple of them have tiny beads of blood welling up, so Virgil leans down, dragging the first aid kit from under the bed.</p>
<p>"You remember where that is," Remus says, with a tired smile. He presents his wrists obediently to Virgil as Virgil sets out all the supplies he'll need, including glow in the dark octopus-patterned band-aids. Remus will only pick them off otherwise.</p>
<p>"How's Thomas?" Virgil asks casually as he works.</p>
<p>"Okay," Remus says. "He's...okay. I haven't-" He pauses, chewing on his lower lip. "It hasn't leaked over to him."</p>
<p>"Good," Virgil says, finishing up and affixing the octopus band-aids with a flourish. Remus looks at him in confusion.</p>
<p>"It means I can concentrate all my attention on <em>you</em>," Virgil explains, leaning forward and pressing a tiny, chaste kiss to the tip of Remus's nose. Remus briefly goes cross-eyed, then giggles, wrapping his arms around Virgil and catapulting them backward, to lie fully on his bed.</p>
<p>"I love you," Virgil says after a few moments. "You know that, right?"</p>
<p>"Sure do, Emo Knightmare," Remus chirps. He buries his nose in the cloud of Virgil's hair and takes a long sniff. "You smell good," he adds. "I like that. Please stay." </p>
<p>"Of course I will," Virgil says, wiggling his way under the covers. "Come on. There's still like three hours until dinner. Plenty of time for a power nap."</p>
<p>"Or other things," Remus says suggestively, twitching his nose. Virgil laughs.</p>
<p>"You want to cuddle me like an octopus and go to sleep," Virgil says. "And we both know it." Remus smiles, a hint of his normal cheerfulness coming back.</p>
<p>"You're right," he admits, resting his head on Virgil's shoulder. "Say, how do you feel about tentacles?" Virgil sighs, but it's with amusement.</p>
<p>"If you must," he says. "But then you're going to sleep."</p>
<p>"Got it," Remus says, and salutes. "Nighty night, don't let the me bite."</p>
<p>"Sleep well, Remus," Virgil says, draping his own arm across Remus's chest. </p>
<p>Within minutes, both sides are sound asleep, curled up in Remus's untidy bed.</p>
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